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Listening to my heart has made life quite an adventure. Within a few months I managed to secure a wonderful job teaching at the American Embassy School in New Delhi. I also figured out a way to complete my Masters Degree in one year instead of two. I landed in India in June of 2006 and what has transpired in the past five years is more than I could have ever imagined! When I turned 30 and a good friend asked me, “What are the three most important things you’ve learned in life thus far?” It’s pretty simple: Be grateful. Be present. Be loving.
I feel very blessed for all of the opportunities I’ve had in life. I’m confident that I’ve made choices thus far so that if I were to die in my sleep tonight I can die without regret feeling that I have lived life well and lived fully. When asked what my religion is I usually quote the Tibetan poet yogi, Milarepa, who said: “My religion is to live—and die—without regret.”
I wasn’t always interested in life’s deeper questions. In fact, I was your typical overachiever (just ask ANYONE that went to high school with me!) and defined my worth based on external accomplishments like going to the “right college,” getting the “right job,” connecting with the “right people” etc. My parents came to the United States from India 40 years ago and like many other American born Indians, success and hard work were ingrained in me. Well, one night, a month after I graduated from Amherst College I had a spontaneous spiritual experience and my life pretty much changed just like that! I’d describe it as a tangible experience of nonduality. (No, I didn’t do drugs!) Well, after having a taste of this very real connection to people, nature etc. I realized that understanding this connection and fostering this oneness is what my life is really all about—not getting into the best graduate school or working at the top firm—not that there is anything wrong with that! I just realized what was important for me :) After all, as Krishna wisely advises Arjuna in the Bhagavad Gita, “It’s better to do your dharma poorly than someone else’s well.” I have to live “my life” not someone else’s.
Well, two weeks after this spontaneous, spiritual experience I left for Brazil for one year. I had taken a job teaching at an International School in São Paulo after I graduated from college. When I arrived in Brazil everyone was fascinated with my Indian ancestry. They would ask me about India but I didn’t have much to share since I had only been to India a handful of times and my understanding of Indian philosophy was lacking. I also didn’t have a car and there was a yoga studio near my home and I spent most of my time there. My roommate was really into yoga too and while I had done sun salutations irregularly as a kid I really became committed when I was in Brazil. I even volunteered to bring some basic yoga to a favela every week. In a way, the physical practice of yoga was my entry point to engage in a much deeper spiritual path/practice. In Brazil, for the first time I was able to really reflect on the questions I never had time for in college because I was too busy and caught up with being “successful.” My time in Brazil opened up my world in so many ways. I traveled all over the country, immersed myself in spiritual studies, started practicing deep meditation and met so many special, inspiring people. Most importantly, I fell in love with teaching. I never, ever thought I’d become a schoolteacher! I was just in Brazil for a year teaching and having my “post-college international experience.”
When my year in Brazil ended I moved to New York City where I spent one year working at the ABC Network in their hard news division. Before Brazil I was certain that I wanted to be a foreign news producer. But I absolutely hated my time at ABC and while I learned a lot I felt like I was dying every day I walked from my charming studio apartment in the Upper West Side to my office near Columbus Circle. I missed teaching and was literally creating lesson plans while I was at work. My mom’s health also suffered during my time at ABC and her situation reinforced the idea that “life’s too short.” While in New York I read a lot about how people that eat raw/live foods can overcome certain health conditions. In an effort to support my mother I became a raw/live foodist (I was already vegan) and for one and a half years I ate only raw fruits, vegetables, nuts and seeds. Being raw was an amazing experience but after doing it for such a long time I can say with full confidence that it is something you may want to do for a week or two to cleanse your body but not for one and a half years. Eventually, I began studying the Indian medical system of Ayurveda which made much more sense to me—the idea that there is no right or wrong but rather what is appropriate for whom and when. With anything balance and moderation are key and I think this is especially important when it comes to food choices.
Well, the day Saddam Hussain was captured and work at ABC was absolutely insane a voice inside of me said: “You don’t have to do this. You really don’t have to do this.” I literally jumped out of my seat, my energy shifted and I just felt free! My mind was trying to convince me that I had my year in Brazil, I had my post-college fun and now it was time to get down to business and obtain a real job but my heart told me that New York and ABC were all wrong. Within a month I found a great job in California teaching at an amazing independent school with a wonderful faculty and sharp students in Oakland. I had also enrolled in a program to get my teaching credential. It’s amazing how when you are “on purpose” everything seems to work out just as it should.
I spent two years in the Bay Area and absolutely loved it. During this time I completed a Yoga Teacher Training course and even amidst all of the Californian commercial spirituality I studied with some wonderful, authentic teachers and met so many phenomenal people. I established residency right when I moved to California and I only applied to UC Berkeley for graduate school because I didn’t want to go anywhere else. After one year of teaching high school history and eastern philosophy along with obtaining my teaching credential through the Bay Area Teachers Center I enrolled at UC Berkeley’s School of Education’s Social and Cultural Studies program. At Berkeley I worked as a Graduate Student Instructor to pay for school and focused on the relationship between history textbooks and national identity in India while also studying Sanskrit.
When I moved to India it was as if every experience I had before had prepared me for my arrival. It literally felt as if my heart came fully alive in my ancestral and spiritual homeland. In a way, moving to India for me was coming home. At the same time, my experience in India is anything but cultural immersion and it is both colored and limited by my liberal, western educated, extremely privileged, urban, expatriate existence. Constantly witnessing abject poverty and material suffering here reminds me of how blessed I am and it motivates me to make the most out of my life. I’ve been given everything! How can I not try to understand some of life’s deeper questions and strive to contribute to society in a meaningful way?
Every morning when I rise I am filled with gratitude to the entire universe and especially my parents and elder brother who continuously shower me with so much love, affection, and unwavering support in all of my avatars and unconventional pursuits on the path of deep discovery.
“My father and mother have given me much merit. Their merit is my generosity, love, forgiveness and capacity to offer joy and happiness to others. They have given me this precious inheritance.” – Thich Nhat Hanh
Merit in the spiritual sense can be understood as “spiritual credit” and it is indeed the unconditional love of my parents and the good deeds of my ancestors that have given me the capacity, desire, and will to fully awaken. I understand that much has been given to me in this most precious human life and therefore much is expected. In Bodh Gaya, where the Buddha fully awakened, almost three months before my 29th birthday, I dedicated this birth and all successive births to the path of the Bodhisattva where every action is motivated by bodhichitta, the cause of ultimate happiness for all sentient beings. Even though I’m still completely deluded, self-cherishing and have a long way to go I know that the purpose of my life is to bring happiness to sentient beings and work towards a collective awakening.
Just as I had woken up in the middle of the night when I was 25 with an intense longing to move to India, at 30 I felt a similar calling to shift my base back to the United States. The journey itself is an inward one so it really doesn’t matter where we are geographically as long as we embrace whatever comes our way with resilience, wonder, laughter and a light hearted attitude. In many ways, I now feel like a Banyan Tree with ever extending roots and branches…at home wherever I am.
If anything on this site interests you feel free to contact me.
With Love,
Meena (May 2011)
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